Lisa's Lessons

There are people that enter into your life, sometimes only for a short period, however in that time they teach you something profound. That is how I feel about my friend Lisa.

It was September of 2010. My family had recently moved to a small village about twenty miles north of NYC and my oldest child was starting kindergarten. I was selected to be a class mom and decided to host a breakfast at my home for all the moms in the class so we could get acquainted. Lisa’s son was in my daughter's class. We instantly connected and even though Lisa had grown up in this small town and had many friends, she reached out to me after that breakfast to get together. The next month she hosted a huge Halloween party (Halloween was her favorite holiday) and my family was planning to attend but my daughter got sick and we weren’t able to make it. She called the next day (in the midst of an extensive cleanup from the party) to check in on my daughter to make sure she was feeling better. We had begun to build a real friendship and it was during that time we realized that our paths had crossed before; eleven years prior at my wedding rehearsal dinner that had been held at her family’s restaurant, and she had worked that night.

This happens quite a bit with important people in our lives. We often overlap several times before the bond solidifies; it is the universe offering another chance to make an important connection.

In December that same year, I received a call from her husband. They had found cancer and he asked if I could come see her in the hospital and if yoga could help her. I went to the hospital that afternoon and visited her twice a week in her home for the next several months. Sometimes we would do some gentle poses. More often I would guide her through meditations and we would talk about her hopes and dreams and disappointments. We talked about the future, the past, the kids and the weather.

In February of 2011 I ended up in the hospital with emergency surgery and she came to visit me. I knew the last place she wanted to be was in a hospital on her break day from treatment but she said she wanted to give to me some of what I had given to her.

In May of 2011 her husband called me again from a hospital with the request, once again, that I come visit Lisa; this time to say goodbye. I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot trying to find the strength to go in. When I finally did I sat by her bed and told her what an amazing person she was and how much she had taught me. She told me that she had a guardian angel sitting on her right foot named Carla. As I walked out of the room knowing this was for the last time, I thanked Carla for looking out for her and I thanked Lisa too; for all she had taught me.

The whole timeline of our friendship is laid out here. It was eight months. However, the ripple effect of that friendship has been vast and the learning still continues today. Lisa taught me many lessons that have stayed with me. She taught me what a true privilege it is to get older, to experience the passage of time, to watch your children grow up. During her six month cancer fight she told me most of all that she was fighting for the privilege of getting laugh lines from years of joy with her children, wrinkles that come from a well lived life and even sun spots from endless hours on the beach. Lisa loved the beach.

She also taught me to truly listen to my body. Lisa had experienced abdominal pain for at least a year before she was diagnosed. She took Advil and Tums… and very good care of her two beautiful children and her husband. She didn’t listen to what her body was telling her. Because she gave so much to all those around her, she didn’t have much left for herself; she didn’t make herself a priority. We have the opportunity to care for ourselves. And when we do that, we are that much better for all the people we love in our lives. What we give to others, we must also give to ourselves.

She taught me the power of being present even when it’s hard; to be able to hold grief and joy together and to appreciate the true gift of closure and saying goodbye. Finding joy even through suffering is possible. She was a living example of that.

She showed me the way to becoming a mindfulness coach. Working with her was what propelled me forward on my mindfulness journey. I now realize she was my first coaching client way before I knew that this was my path.

There are those profound experiences, moments and relationships that happen in our lives and change us forever. In those times, the opportunity we have is to be present enough to realize them while they are happening, to sit up and pay attention, and to learn all the lessons we can.