I recently returned home from leading an eight-day mindfulness & yoga retreat in Portugal. As the word retreat implies, it was an opportunity to step away from the normal routine and patterns of daily life and step into a chance for self reflection and exploration. I often will look up the definitions of words I commonly use to see how the definitions align with how I use them. The word “retreat” has two definitions and both definitions can be applied here.
The first definition is: an act of going away especially from something difficult, dangerous, or disagreeable. The second definition is: a period of group withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study, or instruction under a director.
The mindfulness work on the retreat centered around offering insight and perspective into the ways in which we contribute to our own suffering and strategies for minimizing that suffering. One of the ways we tend to create unnecessary suffering is through the pressure to achieve, both from ourselves and from society. This comes with the belief that if we stay on course and stick with the plan, we will succeed. That “slow and steady wins the race” mentality implies that if you stay on the straight path, you will “win”.
I would say there have been large swaths of my life where this motto “slow and steady wins the race” has rung true. As I checked the boxes from childhood to adulthood to motherhood and beyond I always felt a sense of accomplishment in moving from stage to stage. However, what I have come to realize and even celebrate is that there are many times when the path is not slow or steady and the line forward looks much more like a zig zag than anything resembling a clear way. These “zig zag times” have often corresponded with moments of large personal growth, and it was in the stepping away from the path (the retreat), and the exploration that accompanied it that facilitated this growth.
When my children were toddlers the days were so long; each nap was a victory, each cry-free meal was a gift from god. During those very long days at times it seemed that they would never get older, never get out of diapers and never be able to dress themselves. It was the slowest and steadiest time in my life. Everything was one big routine. However within the routine there would be those days when my miraculous toddler would do several amazing new things in one day. Then just as quickly as they came, half of those new skills would be gone the next week, not to return again for months sometimes.
This pattern continued especially for my son as he was growing up. I could always tell when he was going to make a developmental jump forward in maturity because he would first retreat back to old behavior and patterns; regression is the word they use in child development books, but I never liked to think about it that way. I saw it differently, like a bow and arrow. The structure and design of a bow and arrow is such that the bow is built with a bowstring that attaches the two ends of the bow stave in order to launch the arrow. One has to pull back on the bow in order to shoot the arrow forward. This is how children often work as well; they retreat (regress) before they shoot forward.
Adults also experience this at times and once we understand this, we can begin to “appreciate the retreat”. The pressure to move forward, stay on the path without deviation, often thwarts the chance to spring ahead in our self discovery. When we step away or retreat, it can offer the chance to touch and find acceptance for the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. This is the power of mindfulness. It allows us to see that often what feels like a breakdown is actually a potential breakthrough; an opportunity to shoot forward.
Once we find this acceptance, we can then connect to our inner strength and awareness while quieting the inner critic. Together, this perfect combination of strength and space allows for the journey to be revealed and the path to be clear. We can “appreciate the retreat” by recognizing that instead of “slow and steady”; at times it serves us to retreat, pull back the bowstring and spring ahead.